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Julianne's Zippo

The smell of her hair was exactly the same, a mix of expensive salon products and the faint, metallic bite of lighter fluid.

27 min read · 5,339 words · 7 views
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Saturday, 7:14 AM Leo watched the dust motes drift through the narrow gap in the hotel curtains. They moved with a slow, chaotic intention, like people navigating a crowded lobby. His mouth tasted like the back end of a long-haul flight—stale bourbon and the copper tang of dehydration. Beside him, Julianne was a ridge of heat under the duvet, her breathing rhythmic and shallow. He could see the pale slope of her shoulder, the skin marked by a tiny, jagged scar she’d gotten during a summer in Tahoe a decade ago. He didn't move. In his old life, he would have been checking his phone for a lead or a missed call from the desk, but here, the only thing that mattered was the silence. It was the kind of quiet that usually preceded a deposition—heavy, expectant, and dangerous. *** Friday, 9:22 PM The alumni mixer was held in the Great Hall, a cavernous space that smelled of floor wax and desperate nostalgia. The noise level was hovering around eighty-five decibels, a roar of voices trying to bridge the gap between who they were at twenty-two and who they had become at thirty-five. Leo stood by the bar, holding a plastic cup of lukewarm IPA. He was wearing a navy blazer that fit slightly better than his college version, but he still felt like an imposter. Then he saw her. Julianne was standing near a stone pillar, flanked by a group of people Leo vaguely recognized as former student government types. She was wearing a dress the color of a bruised plum, silk that caught the overhead light like oil on water. She looked exactly the same, which was to say, she looked like a problem he hadn’t finished solving. Then he saw the man next to her. Mark. A guy who had been a year ahead of them, someone Leo had actually liked. Mark’s hand was on the small of Julianne’s back, a proprietary gesture that was as casual as it was devastating. Leo checked his watch. He’d been there for twelve minutes. He thought about leaving, about taking a Lyft back to the Marriott and watching cable news until he fell asleep. Instead, he caught Julianne’s eye across the room. She didn't smile. She just looked at him, her expression as unreadable as a redacted transcript. *** Saturday, 7:28 AM Julianne shifted, the silk of the sheets whispering against her skin. She didn't wake up, but she reached out instinctively, her hand brushing against Leo’s hip. Her fingers were cool. He looked at the nightstand. There it was: the Zippo. It was a brushed chrome model, scratched and dented at the corners. She’d carried it since her sophomore year, even though she only smoked when she was stressed or drunk, or both. Seeing it there, next to a half-empty bottle of overpriced Pellegrino, felt like a breach of contract. It was an artifact of a life they had shared, a physical piece of evidence that the last twelve hours hadn't been a hallucination. *** Friday, 10:15 PM “You’re still doing that thing with your jaw,” she said. Leo turned. Julianne had appeared at his elbow while he was staring at a framed photograph of the 2012 rowing team. Mark was nowhere to be seen. “The thing where I look like I’m rehearsing a cross-examination?” Leo asked. “The thing where you look like you’re trying to decide if the person you’re talking to is lying or just stupid.” She took a step closer. The scent of her hit him—jasmine and something sharper, like cedar. It was a sensory trigger that bypassed his brain and went straight to his nervous system. “Hello, Leo.” “Julianne. You look... exactly like I expected.” “Is that a compliment? It sounds like an observation.” “In my line of work, they’re the same thing.” She looked down at her hands. She was fiddling with the Zippo, flicking the lid open and shut with a rhythmic *clack-hiss*. The sound was sharp, cutting through the ambient hum of the party. “Mark’s at the bar,” she said, her voice dropping an octave. “He’s talking to some guy about private equity. I have ten minutes before I have to go back to being a supportive wife.” “Ten minutes is a long time in a news cycle,” Leo said. “Don’t be a prick, Leo. It’s been seven years.” “Six and a half. But who’s counting?” She looked up at him then, and the detached, journalistic distance he’d spent the last decade cultivating began to crumble. Her eyes were dark, searching his face for something—regret, maybe, or just a sign that he still felt the pull. “Come outside,” she whispered. “I need a cigarette.” *** Saturday, 7:45 AM He watched her wake up. It started with a flutter of her eyelashes, then a soft, guttural sound in the back of her throat. When she opened her eyes, she didn't look surprised to see him. She just looked tired. “What time is it?” she asked, her voice raspy. “Early. Mark’s going to be looking for you.” She winced at the name, sitting up and pulling the duvet to her chest. The movement exposed the line of her spine, each vertebra a delicate knot. “He thinks I’m with Sarah. They went to some after-party in the village.” “That’s a hell of a gamble,” Leo said, sitting up too. The air in the room was cold, a sharp contrast to the warmth they’d generated under the covers. “I’ve always been good at managing the narrative, Leo. You taught me that.” She reached for the Zippo on the nightstand, her fingers trembling just enough for him to notice. She didn't light a cigarette. She just held the cold metal against her palm. *** Friday, 10:40 PM The air outside was crisp, smelling of damp grass and the incoming Pacific fog. They walked toward the old stone bridge that spanned the creek—a spot where generations of students had gone to hide. Julianne leaned against the railing, the Zippo sparking as she lit a thin, white cigarette. The orange glow illuminated her face for a second—the sharp line of her cheekbones, the slight pout of her lower lip. She took a long drag and exhaled, the smoke curling into the dark air. “He’s a good man, Leo,” she said, without looking at him. “Mark. He’s stable. He’s kind. He doesn't spend his nights obsessing over lead-contamination reports or police scanners.” “Sounds like a dream,” Leo said. He was standing close enough to feel the heat radiating from her. He could see the way the silk of her dress clung to her hips. “It is a dream. It’s a very quiet, very comfortable dream.” She turned to face him, her hip leaning against the stone. “Why did you come back this weekend? You hate this place.” “I told myself I wanted to see the new library,” Leo lied. “But I think I just wanted to see if the reality of you matched the memory.” “And?” “The reality is much harder to ignore.” He reached out, his hand hovering over her waist. He didn't touch her, not yet. He just waited. He wanted to see if she would pull away. Instead, she leaned in, her breath warm against his neck. “I shouldn't be here,” she whispered, but she was moving closer, her chest brushing against his blazer. “I know.” “Mark is probably looking for me.” “I know.” Leo put his hand on her waist then, his fingers sinking into the soft silk. He pulled her toward him, and the contact was electric—a sudden, sharp jolting of his senses. He could feel the curve of her hip, the firmness of her thigh against his. She dropped the cigarette, the amber cherry dying on the damp stone. Her hands came up to his chest, clutching the lapels of his jacket. She wasn't pushing him away; she was holding on. When he kissed her, it wasn't tentative. It was a collision. It tasted like tobacco and desperate, bottled-up history. Her tongue slid against his, a familiar, urgent rhythm that made his pulse spike. He backed her into the shadows of the bridge’s stone archway, his hands moving down to her thighs. He lifted her, her legs wrapping around his waist with an athletic grace that hadn't faded with time. Her dress hiked up, the cool night air hitting her skin, but he was there, his palms hot against her rear. He pressed her against the cold stone, the friction of her silk dress against his trousers creating a heat that felt like it could start a fire. “Leo,” she moaned into his ear, her teeth grazing his lobe. “Not here. Someone will see.” “Let them,” he growled, though he knew he didn't mean it. He was a journalist; he knew the cost of a scandal. But as her hand went to the back of his head, her nails digging into his scalp, he didn't care about the record. He only cared about the way her body felt like it was finally, after years of drought, coming back to life. *** Saturday, 8:05 AM In the hotel room, the tension was different. It wasn't the frantic, hungry energy of the night before. It was a slow-burning realization of the wreckage they’d created. Julianne stood up, the duvet falling away. She was naked, her body lit by the harsh morning sun. She was beautiful in a way that felt like an accusation. She walked to the window and looked out at the campus, her arms folded over her chest. Leo stayed in bed, watching her. He noticed the way her muscles tensed as a car drove by on the street below. “We can’t do this again,” she said. Her voice was flat, the tone she used when she was making a final decision on an architectural plan. “You said that at 2:00 AM,” Leo reminded her. “And again at 4:00.” “This time I mean it. This was a... a lapse. A homecoming tradition gone wrong.” Leo got out of bed and walked over to her. He stood behind her, not touching her, but close enough to feel her warmth. “It didn't feel like a lapse. It felt like an inevitability.” “That’s the bourbon talking.” “I haven't had a drink in six hours, Jules. My head is perfectly clear.” He reached out and traced the line of her shoulder blade. She shivered, but she didn't move away. He leaned down, kissing the back of her neck, his tongue lingering on the salty, sweet skin. “You have to go,” she whispered, even as she leaned back into him, her head resting on his shoulder. “I will. In a minute.” He turned her around, his hands sliding down to her waist. He looked at her, really looked at her, seeing the exhaustion and the desire warring in her eyes. He kissed her again, a slow, deep exploration that felt more intimate than the frantic sex of the night before. His hand wandered down, his fingers finding the damp heat between her legs. She gasped, her eyes fluttering shut as he began to move. “Leo, please,” she breathed, her hands clutching his forearms. “Please what?” “Please don't make me choose.” *** Friday, 11:20 PM They had found an empty lecture hall in the basement of the Humanities building. The door had been unlocked—a stroke of luck or a sign of institutional neglect. Inside, it was pitch black, the only light coming from the pale moon through high, narrow windows. It smelled of chalk dust and old wood. Leo had her against the professor’s desk. The wood was cold and hard against her back, but she didn't seem to care. He had his face buried in the crook of her neck, his hands working the zipper of her dress. “Wait,” she panted, her breath coming in short, sharp bursts. “Wait, wait.” He stopped, his forehead resting against hers. “What is it?” She reached into her small clutch bag, which was discarded on the desk, and pulled out the Zippo. She flicked it open. The small, steady flame illuminated them—both of them flushed, disheveled, and completely undone. “I want to see you,” she said, her voice trembling. “I want to see exactly what I’m doing.” She held the lighter up, the flame dancing in the slight draft. She looked at him with an intensity that made his throat tight. Then, she reached down and began to unbutton his shirt, her movements slow and deliberate. As the shirt fell open, she ran her hand over his chest, her thumb grazing his nipple. Leo groaned, his eyes closing as the sensation tore through him. He reached for her, his hands finding the silk of her underwear. He pulled them down, his fingers brushing against the soft curls of her hair, then deeper, finding the slick, hot reality of her. She was already wet, her body primed for him. He slid a finger inside her, and she arched her back, the Zippo slipping from her hand and clattering onto the desk, the flame extinguishing as it hit the wood. In the sudden darkness, the other senses took over. The sound of her ragged breathing. The feel of her skin, slick with sweat. The smell of her arousal mixed with the faint scent of lighter fluid. He lifted her onto the desk, her legs parting for him. He fumbled with his belt, his movements frantic now. When he finally pushed into her, it was like a homecoming of a different sort—a violent, beautiful return to a place he should never have left. She was tight, gripping him with a ferocity that took his breath away. He moved in long, deep strokes, his hands on her hips, anchoring her to him. Each thrust was a question, and her moans were the only answers he needed. “Yes,” she whispered, her voice a jagged line in the dark. “Yes, Leo. Right there.” He picked up the pace, the desk creaking under their weight. He was losing his grip on the detached observer he was supposed to be. There was no story here, no lead, no public interest. There was only the friction of her against him, the way her body bucked under his, the way her hands were everywhere—on his back, his shoulders, pulling him closer, deeper. He could feel the tension building in her, the way her internal muscles were clenching around him. She was close, her breath hitching, her head tossing back. “Don’t stop,” she cried out, the sound echoing in the empty hall. “Don’t you dare stop.” *** Saturday, 8:20 AM Leo pulled back, his hand still resting on her thigh. The morning light was getting brighter, more unforgiving. “I have to go to the breakfast,” Julianne said, her voice regaining its brittle edge. “Mark is expecting me at nine. We’re sitting with the Dean.” “The Dean,” Leo repeated. The word sounded absurd in the context of the last few hours. “He’s donating a wing to the library. It’s a big deal for his firm.” She started picking up her clothes from the floor, her movements efficient and devoid of the passion from the night before. Leo watched her dress. It was like watching a witness change their testimony on the stand—smooth, practiced, and entirely convincing. “What are we doing, Jules?” he asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. She stopped, one leg in her silk underwear. She looked at him, and for a second, the mask slipped. “We’re reliving our youth,” she said. “And then we’re going back to our lives. That was the deal, wasn't it?” “I don't remember agreeing to a deal.” “You didn't have to. It was implied the second you followed me out of that hall.” She finished dressing, smoothing her hair in the vanity mirror. She looked like the perfect architect’s wife again. She reached for the Zippo on the nightstand and tucked it into her bag. “I’ll see you at the game?” she asked, her hand on the doorknob. “I’m not going to the game.” “Right. Of course you aren't.” She hesitated, her back to him. “Leo?” “Yeah?” “Don’t write about this.” She didn't wait for an answer. The door clicked shut behind her, leaving Leo alone in the room with the smell of her and the cold morning air. He looked at the nightstand. She’d left a single, crumpled receipt from the hotel bar. He picked it up. On the back, in her sharp, slanted handwriting, was a room number and a time. *11:00 PM. Same place.* Leo leaned back against the headboard, his heart hammering a rhythm that had nothing to do with journalism and everything to do with the wreck he was about to become. The tension in the room was a living thing, a heavy, silent pressure that felt like the moment before a wildfire jumps the firebreak. Saturday, 8:21 AM Leo didn't get back into the bed. The sheets were a topographical map of their proximity—tangled, damp in the center, smelling of sex and the expensive, hotel-grade detergent that never quite masked the scent of people. He stood by the window and watched the street. A few moments later, Julianne emerged from the lobby. She walked with her head down, her coat cinched tight, her stride clipped and professional. She looked like a woman with a deposition to attend, not a woman who had spent the last three hours with her legs hooked over a former lover’s shoulders. He watched her disappear around the corner of the library, the stone building standing like a silent witness to everything she was trying to bury. Leo felt the familiar itch in his hands, the phantom weight of a camera or a notebook. In his twenties, he would have tried to document this—the light, the guilt, the way the fog was retreating from the valley like a shamed guest. Now, he just felt the hollow ache of a man who knew he was being played and was perfectly willing to let the game continue. *** Saturday, 1:15 AM The walk from the Humanities building to the Marriott had been a study in tactical avoidance. They’d kept a ten-foot gap between them, two shadows moving through the manicured quads. When they finally reached his room, the door hadn't even latched before he had his hands under her dress again. The plum silk was bunched around her waist, and he pushed her back against the door. The sound of the deadbolt clicking home was the starting gun. Julianne was breathless, her hands fumbling with his belt, her movements lacked the grace she displayed in public. This was frantic. This was the messy, unedited version of the story. "The bed," she gasped, her mouth finding the sensitive skin just below his jaw. "Leo, the bed." He didn't listen. He couldn't. The adrenaline from the lecture hall was still humming in his marrow. He scooped his hands under her thighs and lifted her, her back hitting the door with a dull thud. She wrapped her legs around his waist, the friction of her bare skin against his dress slacks making him growl. He didn't use a condom—not yet. He just wanted to feel the heat of her. He pressed his face into her hair, breathing in the jasmine and the fading tobacco. She was grinding against him, her pelvis tilted up, seeking the hardness she’d been imagining for six years. He could feel the slickness of her through her lace underwear, a damp heat that soaked into the fabric of his trousers. "Tell me you missed this," he muttered, his voice thick. "Shut up," she whispered, her teeth catching his lower lip. "Just... don't talk. Don't be a journalist. Just be here." He reached down and hooked two fingers into the waistband of her panties, pulling them aside. He didn't take them off; he just moved the barrier. He guided himself to her, the tip of him catching on the wet folds of her labia. She let out a long, shuddering breath, her fingers digging into the meat of his shoulders. When he slid inside, it was a slow, agonizingly perfect fit. Her internal muscles clamped down on him instantly, a rhythmic, pulsing welcome that made his vision blur. He stayed still for a moment, buried deep, feeling the way her heart hammered against his chest. "God, Leo," she moaned, her head falling back against the door. He began to move, short, sharp thrusts that kept her pinned against the wood. The door creaked with every impact, a rhythmic punctuation to the sound of their breathing. He watched her face—the way her eyes rolled back, the way her mouth hung open, her breath hitching every time he hit the back of her. She wasn't an architect or a wife or a donor’s spouse. She was just a woman being hollowed out by a man she couldn't quite quit. *** Saturday, 11:45 AM Leo sat in the back of the alumni luncheon, a plate of rubbery chicken and wilted greens in front of him. He wasn't eating. He was watching the head table. Mark was there, looking every bit the private equity success story. He was leaning in to listen to the Dean, nodding with an expression of practiced gravitas. Beside him, Julianne was a masterpiece of composure. She had changed into a cream-colored suit, her hair pulled back into a sleek, tight knot. She was smiling at something a woman across the table said, her laughter sounding light and effortless. Leo looked at her hands. She was holding a wine glass, her fingers steady. There was no sign of the woman who had been clawing at his back ten hours ago. There was no trace of the sweat, the salt, or the way she’d begged him to come inside her. He felt a surge of something that felt like professional respect. She was the best source he’d ever had—completely unreliable, perfectly poised, and entirely full of shit. He caught her eye for a fraction of a second. She didn't blink. She didn't acknowledge him. She just shifted her gaze to the speaker at the podium, her expression shifting to one of polite interest. Leo reached into his pocket and felt the receipt. *11:00 PM. Same place.* The "same place" wasn't the hotel. It wasn't the bridge. It was the lecture hall. The basement of the Humanities building. The place where the light didn't reach and the record didn't exist. *** Saturday, 3:10 AM After the door, they had finally made it to the bed. The frantic energy had shifted into something deeper, more predatory. Leo had her on her stomach, her face pressed into the pillows. He was behind her, his chest flushed against her back, his hands gripping her hips so hard he knew he’d leave bruises. He was moving with a slow, deliberate cruelty, pulling nearly all the way out before slamming back in, feeling the way her body bucked and arched under him. He wanted to leave a mark. He wanted to write himself into her skin so deeply that Mark wouldn't be able to look at her without seeing the subtext. "Leo," she choked out, her voice muffled by the pillow. "What?" he rasped, his sweat dripping onto her shoulder blades. "Harder. Please." He obeyed. He reached around, his hand finding her breast, his thumb raking over her nipple. It was hard, a tiny, insistent knot of nerves. She was so wet now that the sound of their bodies meeting was a wet, slapping rhythm that echoed in the quiet room. He could feel himself reaching the limit, the pressure in his groin becoming an unbearable, sharp-edged thing. He shifted his weight, his fingers finding the spot where her thighs met her torso, pulling her even closer. "Look at me," he commanded. She turned her head, her face flushed, her hair a wild, dark halo around her head. Her eyes were wide, the pupils blown out until the irises were just thin rings of color. "You're not going back to him," Leo said, the lie tasting like ash in his mouth. "I have to," she whispered, even as she thrust her hips back against him, meeting his pace with a desperate urgency. "You know I have to." She reached her peak then, her body stiffening, a long, high-pitched keen escaping her throat. She gripped the headboard, her knuckles white, as the spasms took her. Leo followed her a second later, a blind, white-hot release that felt like it was tearing the air out of his lungs. He collapsed onto her, his face buried in the crook of her neck, both of them gasping, their skin slick and cooling in the air-conditioned dark. *** Saturday, 11:05 PM The Humanities building was a tomb. The lights were on timers, and the hallways were long stretches of shadow and linoleum. Leo walked quietly, his footsteps muffled by his sneakers. He felt like he was breaking into his own past. He pushed open the door to the lecture hall. It was darker than it had been the night before. The air was colder. He stood at the top of the tiered seating, his eyes adjusting to the gloom. "You're late," she said. She was sitting on the edge of the professor’s desk, her legs crossed. She was wearing a trench coat, but he could see the flash of bare skin at her throat. The Zippo was in her hand, the lid flicking open and shut. *Clack-hiss. Clack-hiss.* Leo walked down the stairs, the sound of his heart like a drum in the cavernous room. "I had to wait for the lobby to clear. I think I saw your Sarah in the bar." "She’s drunk. She won't remember if I was in the room or not." Julianne stood up as he reached the front. She didn't move toward him. She just stood there, the small flame of the lighter illuminating the sharp, beautiful angles of her face. "Why here, Jules?" he asked. "Why this place?" "Because it’s where we started," she said. "Freshman year. Comparative Literature. You sat in the third row and spent the whole time trying to look like you weren't looking at me." "I was a journalist in training. I was observing the subject." "And now?" "Now I’m just part of the story." He reached out and took the Zippo from her hand. He flicked it shut, plunging them into total darkness. He could hear her breathing, a quick, shallow sound. He reached for her, his hands finding the belt of her trench coat. He untied it, the fabric falling open. Underneath, she was wearing nothing but a pair of black silk stockings and lace-up heels. The sight of her, even in the near-dark, was a physical blow. Her skin was pale, ghostly, the curve of her waist and the swell of her breasts looking like a sculpture carved from moonlight. "Leo," she breathed, her hands coming up to his face. "This is the end of it. You know that, right? Tomorrow morning, you go back to the city. I go back to the firm. We don't call. We don't email." "I know the drill, Julianne." He picked her up, setting her back on the desk. This time, there was no silk dress to get in the way. He knelt between her legs, his face level with her sex. She smelled of the same jasmine, but it was overlaid with the musk of anticipation. He didn't use his hands. He used his tongue, a slow, deliberate lap from the base of her clitoris to the opening of her vagina. She gasped, her hands flying to his hair, her fingers tangling in the strands. "Oh, God," she whispered. He was relentless. He knew exactly how she liked it—the steady, rhythmic pressure, the way he could use his lips to create a vacuum that made her arch her back and cry out. He tasted the salt of her, the sweetness, the complex chemistry of her desire. She was shaking, her thighs trembling against his shoulders. He reached up and gripped her buttocks, pulling her closer, his tongue working with a journalistic precision, finding every nerve ending, every secret. "Leo, please... I'm going to..." He didn't stop until she was sobbing, her body racking with a climax so intense she nearly fell off the desk. He caught her, pulling her into his arms, holding her while she came apart. When she finally steadied, she looked at him with something that looked suspiciously like hate. Or maybe it was just the raw, unadorned truth. "Fuck you," she whispered, but she was pulling him toward her, her legs wrapping around him, her hands fumbling with his trousers. He entered her with a single, forceful thrust. The desk groaned, a heavy, wooden protest. He didn't care about the noise anymore. He didn't care if the Dean walked in or if Mark was standing in the doorway. He only cared about the way her body felt like a cage he never wanted to escape. They moved together in the dark, a frantic, desperate rhythm that felt like a countdown. Every thrust was a second ticking off the clock. Every moan was a word they wouldn't say tomorrow. He pushed her back, her head hanging over the edge of the desk, her breasts pointing toward the ceiling. He watched the way the muscles in her neck corded as he hit her deep. He was losing his breath, his heart feeling like it was going to burst through his ribs. "Say my name," he hissed, his fingers digging into her hips. "Leo," she cried out, the sound echoing off the high ceiling. "Leo, Leo, Leo." It was an exorcism. A final, violent purging of everything they’d been holding onto for the last six years. When he finished, he didn't pull away. He stayed inside her, his forehead resting against hers, their breath mingling in the cold air. *** Sunday, 6:45 AM The light was gray and thin, the color of a hangover. Leo stood by his car in the Marriott parking lot, his bag in the trunk. He felt old. He felt like he’d just finished a forty-eight-hour shift on a story that was never going to make the front page. He looked up at the hotel. He didn't know which room was hers, but he imagined her there, sleeping next to Mark, her breathing rhythmic and shallow, her skin still carrying the invisible marks of his hands. He reached into his pocket and found something he hadn't realized he’d taken. The Zippo. He held it in his palm, the brushed chrome cold against his skin. It was heavy, a piece of physical evidence he should probably return. It was a breach of contract. A theft of property. He looked at the scratches on the corner, the tiny, jagged marks of a decade of use. He thought about the lecture hall, the plum dress, and the way she’d looked at him through the flame. He flicked it open. *Clack-hiss.* The flame was small and steady, a tiny defiance against the morning light. He watched it for a long moment, then flicked it shut and dropped it into his pocket. He got into the car and started the engine. He didn't look back at the campus. He didn't look at the library or the bridge. He just drove toward the freeway, toward the city, toward the next lead, the next deadline, the next story that didn't matter. He was a journalist. He knew how to manage the narrative. And the narrative said this was over. But as he hit the on-ramp, his hand went instinctively to his pocket, feeling the cold, hard weight of the metal. He knew, with the weary certainty of a man who had seen too much, that some stories never actually end. They just go into deep background, waiting for the next time someone is foolish enough to ask the right question.
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